I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
