tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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