yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
