I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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