Me too!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
