What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
