Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
