Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
