I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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