If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
