census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
