his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
