Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
