You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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