pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How naked do you want me to be?
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