Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
