I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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