Dual....:-)
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
