Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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