Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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