hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
