onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
