the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
only you would photoshop your dick
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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