You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
