I heard we made out
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
