Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
