BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
