then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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