I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
