just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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