What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
