you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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