When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
