he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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