If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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