I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
