I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
