Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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