Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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