Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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