I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
