Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize