after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
