I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
