i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
