I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
