id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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