I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
