Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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