i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
