Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
