Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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