explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
