Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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