We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
