Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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