I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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