He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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