I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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