everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
