He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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