I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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