They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
