4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
