Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
