i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
