oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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