Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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